“Now, I don’t want you to feel that way…”

When someone says, “Now, I don’t want you to feel that way…” it’s as if they’ve taken on the role of conductor in the orchestra of our emotions. How could anyone dictate our feelings? Are they implying we’re somehow off-key, or perhaps missing the grand harmony of their intentions? But what is it, really, that drives us to feel misunderstood, overlooked, or undervalued? Feelings are curious creatures, popping up unbidden and often refusing to sit quietly in the corner.

Let’s face it—working with people is probably the trickiest job there is. I often joke with people, and most of the time, they get it. But every so often, a joke lands about as gracefully as a hippo in a tutu. Sometimes, people just aren’t in a humorous head-space. Their lenses are clouded with sorrow, anxiety, or fear, and it’s then we need to tread lightly, like tiptoeing through an emotional minefield, reading the room as carefully as a map.

And yet, what happens when we’re caught up in our own enthusiasm, bouncing from one thought to another, our minds ping-ponging with ideas faster than anyone could keep up? Ideas take root, blossom, and fade, all in a moment’s flash, before we’re on to the next thing. Just like this thought, this stream of consciousness… we’re off to the next spark.

But circling back to people telling us how to feel—is it control or care? Are they trying to manipulate the narrative or truly trying to diffuse our distress? Either way, here’s the catch: our feelings aren’t easily instructed. Behind all the frustration and bewilderment is a deeper truth—often nothing to do with the current situation at all. Feelings are funny that way, revealing hidden wounds and old stories we didn’t even know were still there. And in the end, perhaps that’s the secret to handling each other with a little more grace: knowing that we’re all just a bit misunderstood, on the inside and out.

Inspired by a conversation next to me